HOW TO DEAL WITH POWER FREAK RELATIVES DURING THE HOLIDAYS
If we have normal, balanced families, we look forward to returning home for the holidays. If we have relatives who display power freak characteristics, our feelings are usually mixed.
(PRWEB) November 9, 2002
Most of us have an emotional drive to return to familiar territory. If we have normal, balanced families, we look forward to returning home for the holidays. However, if we have relatives who display power freak characteristics, our feelings are usually mixed. We want to see our family, particularly those who are fond of us, yet we fear humiliation.
When we return home to family, we are usually enveloped in warmth. Once it wears off, power games that you have experienced in years past will begin to return. A parent may be envious of your successes, so they find ways to make you feel like a failure. When you are with a power freak parent, you cannot win. If you are hesitant about coming home for the holidays, they make you feel guilty. They want you home; when they browbeat you, it gives them a high. Maybe a sibling begins needling, if this has been their pattern.
At holiday gatherings, power freaks work hard to control the conversation and display their superiority. They brag about their kids, or the money theyÂ’re making. They lie if necessary and their spouses usually support them. If you mention your successes, they convince you they were just luck.
David L. Weiner, author of Power Freaks: Dealing With Them in the Workplace or Anyplace (Prometheus Books, $19) can advise you on how to deal with Power Freak relatives during the holidays:
· Accept and expect disharmony. Develop your strategies for getting through the holiday ahead of time and then work to act them out, as if you were on stage. You need to play a role.
· If there only occasional barbs thrown your way, try to absorb them and divert the perpetrators’ attention elsewhere as quickly as you can.
· If the attacks are continuous, be assertive, but not aggressive. Attempt to draw a line in the sand, create a boundary with diverting remarks that contain some humor, if possible:
“Look, I came home to relax. If you keep this up, I’m going to get my boss to pick on you the way he picks on me.”; “Earl, if you keep this up I’m going to have to start telling stories about you that you don’t want me to tell.”; “Okay, I admit I’m not as successful as all of you; I am no good at all. So can we all talk about the weather now?”
· Try to take the high road and don’t make it personal. Remember that people who incessantly attack you or never give you credit for anything are probably mentally disordered. Think of yourself as visiting an asylum.
· Don’t take rigid or confrontational positions. Make your opinions vague. Nod your head a lot. Remember, you are simply trying to get through the weekend.
· If you initiate conversation, find innocuous subjects. Otherwise, stay as quiet as you can.
· Don’t act too happy or look downtrodden. That will invite attack. Try to maintain a calm and neutral demeanor.
· Mute your successes. Don’t brag about yourself or anything you’ve done. Attribute any success you feel impelled to talk about to good luck. Do this before they insinuate it.
· During unpleasant conversation, try to divert your mind. Think of things that make you happy. Try to remember scenes and dialogue from one of your favorite movies. Don’t remind yourself “you’re not the favorite.” Fortunately, our minds can only think of one thing at a time.
· Practice calculated avoidance. Take long walks or go to a local health club. Bring your laptop, close the door to your room and make excuses that you are checking on e-mail or working.
· If you can, make excuses to return home early.
To interview David L. Weiner, or receive more information or a review copy of Power Freaks: Dealing With Them in the Workplace or Anyplace, contact Jill Maxick at 800-853-7545 or jmaxick@prometheusbooks. com.
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